“She’s not ill anymore.” Those were my Mums words last night. I’m not going to lie, it hurt… Anorexia is a mental illness. Being physically recovered doesn’t mean I am mentally recovered. Just because I look better, it doesn’t mean I am better…
I often get comments on how well I’m looking now. My gaunt face has been replaced by bright cheeks and my bones are no longer visible. I look 17, not 12 as I did before. But the pain is still there. You can’t see it, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I still feel the hurt and the guilt every single day. I still look in the mirror and hate what looks back at me most days. I still have anorexia, but the difference is that it no longer has me…
I make the choice everyday to carry on choosing recovery over anorexia, and it gets easier, I promise you, it all gets easier in time.
No longer do I let anorexia control my existence. I was put on this earth for far more than counting calories and running into oblivion, I was put on this earth to live, to make memories, to experience all that this wonderful world has to offer.
It’s time for you to start living your life again, without being bound down by the restrictions your eating disorder imposes on you. It’s time for you too to experience all that this wonderful world has to offer. You deserve to be free. Remember, you are loved.