Portfolio of Hope

Don’t be fooled; this illness is not your friend. It’s trying to kill you. Do not give it the satisfaction by conforming to what it’s telling you to do. Don’t let it win. You’ve got to fight back, because if you don’t fight, you die, and your life isn’t something you should be willing to throw away just like that.

Think about it like this; what sense does it make to be more scared of eating a full fat yogurt than of dying? You know the answer; it doesn’t make sense. But you also know that if you aren’t recovering from your eating disorder, you are dying from it. No matter how much you try to convince yourself and everyone around you that you’re fine, you know that if you carry on going down this road, death will inevitably catch you, and once it does, there’s no going back. That’s it, you’ll be gone. You’ll be six-feet under and all you’ll have to show for your life is a thigh gap and a set of collar bones that stick out. Surely you want your life to count for more than that?

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Before I chose recovery, before I chose life, I had nothing. My only source of happiness was running and calorie counting. Since choosing recovery I have so much to look forward to. I actually have a future, and that’s so so exciting. How did I choose recovery? I decided that I didn’t want the most successful thing about me to be the amount of cookies and peanut butter I successfully avoided throughout my life, and so I put on my boxing gloves and I fought back. Now I urge you to do the same. Fight to be free from your eating disorder. Don’t let it hold you back for even another second of your precious time. You are worth so much more than this and you have so much to look forward to. But here’s the thing; if you choose to stay where you are, if you choose to remain trapped in your illness, you will have no future, you will have nothing to look forward to.

Recovery will be hard, I’m not going to dress it up and pretend that it will be all #recovery wins and rainbows and flowers, because that’s not the truth. It will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. There will be tears, lots and lots of them, and there will be days when you wake up and doubt your ability to recover from this, days you just want the ground to swallow you up. But if you stick at it, if you keep getting out of bed every morning and you keep choosing recovery, it will bring you so much happiness. It will be so worth the battle, trust me.

If you only take one thing from this blog, I hope it’s the belief that you can recover from this, and life is worth fighting for. All I ask of you is to think twice about what you’re doing, think twice about what you want out of life. Recovery or death? Please make it a wise choice.

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