‘ Think about how crazy it is to be more scared of eating a full-fat yogurt than of dying.’
Something that has held me back from recovery for far too long has been my extensive list of ‘fear foods’ (foods that I would refuse to eat because the guilt they would bring would be too intense for me to handle.)
There’s no easy way to overcome a fear food, but there is a way. It can be done. I went from only allowing myself to eat the same tasteless quinoa salads every day for lunch, to being able to eat whatever my body craves, whether that is a salad or a stack of cheese on toast.
How did I get to the stage I am at now? Through a hell of a lot of hard work… I challenge myself every day. I had a magnum after my dinner this evening. If someone had given me an ice cream a few months ago, I would’ve flat out refused to eat it unless it was low-fat and sugar-free, but now I remind myself that the more I challenge myself by eating my fear foods, the easier it will get, and eventually they won’t be so scary. It is so important for us to remember that we don’t grow by staying in our comfort zones, so we must get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I’m not going to lie, when I eat something that used to be a ‘fear food’, sometimes I do still feel some guilt afterwards, but that negative feeling always passes. It is worth putting up with the guilt for a few minutes because you know what? Food doesn’t just allow you to survive, it provides you with enjoyment. I can assure you that the enjoyment you will get from going to cute little cafes and eating brownies with your family is worth so much more than the ‘enjoyment’ you used to get from starving yourself.
So, my challenge for you is to try to challenge yourself. If you fancy a chocolate bar, eat a god damn chocolate bar and show your Anorexia that she is no longer in control. The voices will get quieter, I promise you. The guilt will pass. Challenge yourself a little bit every day so that one day when you pick up a bar of chocolate, you will see food, not a bar labelled ‘enemy.’