You know what; if I could go back in time and erase my struggles with Anorexia out of my life, I wouldn’t (controversial I know), for it showed me that I am strong, and that no matter how difficult things get, I can get through them and come out of the other side as a stronger person.
‘Nothing in life is wasted, everything is experience. Mental illness too.’
Anorexia sent me to the dark side. And when you’ve been there- whether through depression, cancer, divorce, injury, bereavement, pain or trauma- you tend to look around you with renewed wonder at the world you nearly lost.
Don’t get me wrong, my eating disorder has caused me to miss out on a LOT; the majority of my teenage years, friendships, relationships. I regret all the days I spent worrying about food when I should’ve been LIVING my life. But my eating disorder has also allowed me to meet some absolutely incredible people who I wouldn’t have otherwise met. I know what you’re thinking;psychiatric wards aren’t the ideal places to form friendships, but I still feel incredibly lucky to be in touch with such strong-minded girls. I’m not just referring to the patients either, the staff were amazing and the love and support they shoswed me will forever be in my heart. I wish I could be in contact with the staff too, but unfortunatey I don’t think that’s allowed. Very sad though, because I’ve got so much to thank them for.
My eating disorder has also given me opportunities to adopt hobbies and interests that I probably wouldn’t have even considered;this blog for example, and the fact that I have published 3 books based on recovery from Anorexia!!
So, Anorexia has not been pointless. I refuse to believe I wasted the last four years of my life. The gradual physical and mental breakdown forced me to stop, to look inside myself, to let my guard down, to admit that I was struggling, that I was lonely; finally, to ask for help, and that has changed my life, for the better.