Portfolio of Hope

‘Stop looking over your shoulder, you’re not going that way.’

That’s what my coach, Barry, used to say to me during training sessions and races when I would be constantly looking behind me.

Despite no longer running, Barry’s words remain firmly ingrained in my mind- not in a sporting context, but as a life lesson.

Just as he would tell me that looking behind me was a waste of my energy which would only serve to tire me quicker, dwelling on the past instead of looking forward to the future is also a waste of my time and energy.

For everything I want is ahead of me.

But in order to reach what I want, I must remain focused on the goal at hand, whatever that may be.

In terms of my recovery, my goal is to do just that,

to recover.

Looking over my shoulder is a pointless exploit because I cannot change what has happened in the past.

I can, however, change what will happen in the future,

by acting now.

I must not dwell on what I ‘could’ve been,

should’ve been,

would’ve been,

if only I hadn’t developed an eating disorder.’

I must focus on the future,

What do I want that future to look like?

The usual:

  • Stable job
  • Family
  • Health & Happines

(All of which are only possible with the absence of an eating disorder.)

So, my motivation to recover ‘once and for all’, lies in my future.

I’m not going to let my future self down.

Leave a Reply