This is my reminder to you that; things DO get better, regardless of how hopeless you might feel in the present moment. Just look at me as an example:
5 years ago,
I couldn’t eat unless I had exercised prior to sitting down for a meal. I would threaten to commit suicide if my parents ever stopped me from running. I couldn’t imagine my life without My Fitness Pal, the calorie counting, macro tracking app that very nearly destroyed me, both my body and my mind.
But…
It didn’t.
It hasn’t.
For,
I am still here,
alive,
despite it all.
Things do get better.
4 years ago,
I was sectioned. I was finally forced to stop running, to delete My Fitness Pal, and to begin the process of recovery. I felt like everything had been taken away from me, and like my life had ended.
But…
It didn’t.
It hasn’t.
For,
I am still here,
alive,
despite it all.
Things do get better.
3 years ago,
I was discharged from hospital, where I had spent the previous 7 months of my life stuck between the four walls of an eating disorder unit. I was scared about relapsing and ending up back in hospital, back to the beginning where food and exercise controlled my whole life.
But…
It didn’t.
It hasn’t.
For,
I am still here,
alive,
despite it all.
Things do get better.
2 years ago,
Something that I had feared since the day I decided I actually wanted to recover- relapse- actually happened. It started ‘innocently’, with me just wanting to lose a bit of weight, to get a gap between my thighs again, but it rapidly spiralled out of control, and soon enough, I was back in the grips of an eating disorder, feeling like my life was, yet again, ending.
But…
It didn’t.
It hasn’t.
For,
I am still here,
alive,
despite it all.
Things do get better.
1 year ago,
until now,
I have been in recovery. I am at the most comfortable I have ever been around food and exercise in my life. I eat what I want, when I want, and I do so because I refuse to let even another second of my life be ruled by an eating disorder. Things could’ve been so different if I hadn’t chosen recovery. My life could’ve flashed before me in an instant, causing me to lose my life far too soon.
But,
You know how it goes by now…
It didn’t.
It hasn’t.
For,
I am still here,
alive,
despite it all.
Things do get better,
they really do.
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