One of my favourite quotes is; ‘What’s meant for you won’t pass you by.’ Quite easy to understand, its meaning is simply that; if something doesn’t happen then it was never meant for you in the first place, and vice versa (if it does happen, then it was meant for you).
Accepting the above quote as, not just a motivational statement but as a fact has been a highly cathartic experience for me, serving to set me free from the ‘rut’ that, only a few months ago I very much felt trapped within.
Since coming across the above quote and, with that, subsequently acknowledging that everything happens for a reason (both the good things and the bad), thus reinforcing my belief in fate (a concept that is outside of our realm of material understanding and therefore something which we will never be able to fully understand in this life), I feel greater acceptance towards my life. I don’t look back on ‘traumatic’ events and ask; ‘Why me?’ in self pity/because I feel like my life has been ruined by them, I ask; ‘Why me?’, because I understand that, like everything, even traumatic events happen for a reason (my life makes me go through such experiences because they will be of use to me in the future- it is the ‘school of life’s’ way of teaching me a valuable lesson whose reasoning will, if not now, then one day, become clear).
When I look back on my experiences with an eating disorder and exercise ‘addiction’ during my teenage years (an example of a traumatic event which I have been through), instead of feeling lost and irritable, being of the belief that I ‘wasted’ so much of my life on them, I now, perhaps controversially, feel grateful for having had the experiences I had. Being on the brink of death which I undoubtedly was when I was at my worst, and yet coming out the other side of that, it has taught me that I am so much stronger than I think I am. And, even greater than that, it has taught me my mission in life…
You see, when I knew that I had to recover from my eating disorder because I didn’t want to die, I made it my life’s mission to commit myself to recovery. Even when life felt really hard, even when I felt like giving in, there was something in me that knew that I couldn’t, for doing so would make realising my potential/sharing my gift with the world, impossible. And, even when I didn’t (and still don’t, really) yet know what my ‘gift’ is, something that I do know, is that it is in there somewhere, just waiting to be realised. And that? That’s enough of a reason for me to stay in recovery, so that I can be the person whom I was always intended to be/ so that the unique DNA code that is within me can finally realise itself. Like a seed, my potential is just waiting to grow.
I won’t lie though, no matter how much I believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ and that, cue my favourite quote again, ‘what’s meant for you won’t pass you by’, I do sometimes find myself thinking; ‘what if?’ ‘What if I hadn’t stopped running’, where would I be now- the Olympic games?’ but then I remind myself that, if my purpose in life was to be a runner, if I was supposed to have made it professionally and competed in the Olympics, as was the dream when I was 16, then I would’ve done. The fact that I don’t run at all now means that running was not something that was destined for me in adulthood/it was/is not my purpose. Something else , perhaps something that has not yet been realised, is (my purpose, that is). And, knowing this? It fills me with a sense of excitement for my future, excitement for all the opportunities I have to realise my potential and to live out my true purpose/’calling.’
Now, don’t get me wrong, despite knowing that I am on the right track to achieve everything I am intended to achieve, I do still have days when an all too familiar sense of dread resurfaces, days when I wake up feeling like I’ve been plunged into this thing called adulthood with no preparation whatsoever, but, I no longer let such feelings consume me. I accept that, whilst yes, navigating our way through life can be hard and scary, it can also be wonderful and exciting. What I also acknowledge, however, is that; if I spend too much time dwelling on the ‘bad’ parts, I won’t ever get to experience the good parts. And so, now when I do wake up feeling a bit lost and confused, I make sure that I am gentle with myself. I remind myself that, even the most successful people in the world probably feel a bit lost sometimes too, and that, that’s okay. If everything really does happen for a reason (which, I wholeheartedly believe that it does) then everything will work out and, in the end, I will get to wherever it is that I am destined to be anyway, for everything is predetermined (i.e., everything will happen exactly as it should). Furthermore, I accept that, in the moments when I am feeling ‘out of sorts’ (i.e., ‘a bit lost’), I am simply in an ‘in between’/transitional phase. Like a good book, as I keep turning the pages, I will inevitably reach a new chapter and, who knows what will be store for me in the next phase of my life…
The way in which I am living my life now is simply by doing the things that I enjoy. Why? Because, whereas in the past I would’ve been constantly questioning whether I was being ‘productive enough’ with my days/over analysing whether or not each thing I did was ‘contributing to my life’, now I keep in mind that my purpose will undoubtedly be related to something that I enjoy, and therefore it will, perhaps unknowingly, be something that I am already doing (whatever makes me feel my happiest is my purpose)…
By doing more of the things that I enjoy then/that make me feel at my happiest, I am also, subliminally and arguably even effortlessly, allowing myself to explore, and to express, my purpose (the gift that I have been given in this journey we call life). In terms of what that ‘gift’/purpose is, if its what I do when I’m at my happiest, then its writing- it always has been.
Everything that I write about has an underlying theme- hope (there’s a reason I named my blog portfolio of hope). Whether its writing about my experiences with my mental health and how I, pardon the cheesiness, ‘saved myself’, or whether its writing about my awakening/enlightenment with regards to spirituality and the fact that we are all one connected, indestructible force of energy- I want to pass on the hope that such things have given me onto the world, to fill it with the goodness of light and take away some of the fear of darkness (this- the two extreme’s of light and darkness- is something I know about all too well)…
Having been filled with a lot of darkness throughout my 21 years on this earth, most of it being largely unexplainable darkness that even I myself don’t really understand, I know that, within me, there is also a lot of light– there is a lot of hope. Through my writing, I want to be the light that breaks through the darkness for other people, too. Like a beacon of hope, I want to show people that, even in our most depressive states, there is always a way out. And, I want the words that I write to show people that, although life can tear us apart and leave us broken, we all have the power to get back up again, and rebuild ourselves, to take the broken pieces and glue them back together in order to make ourselves whole again.
What I particularly want to do, is to act as a polar opposite to what society tells us… I want my blog to be the opposite of every magazine that makes you feel like you’re not good enough. I want my blog to confirm to you what, deep down, you have always known to be true- that you are beautiful, that YOU create reality, that change is possible, that everything that has ever existed and will ever exist was dreamed into being by someone just like you- from the chair you’re sitting on to the building you’re sitting in. I want to make it my job to tell people the truth about themselves and the truth about life, as I connect us all together. I want to, via the words that I write and the wisdom that I share, awaken things that are already within us all- to awaken the knowledge that- when all is said and done- we are enough, simply for being here- existing- we are enough.
I want to make this my job because 1) I’m passionate about it and 2) it helps others. Life is too short to spend a third of it (the average amount of time people spend at work in their lifetime) doing something that I’m not passionate about, and that doesn’t serve to help others (whether directly or indirectly).
So, to end this post, I urge you too to consider whether the work that you do is something that you’re passionate about, and if it is something that helps others. If it is, then you will have a far better chance of being able to reconnect with the greater meaning and purpose of it. Now, if you’re reading this and thinking; ‘But I work in Tesco, there is no deeper ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ behind that other than to earn enough money to live), I want you to remember that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Even if you don’t think that working as a cashier in a supermarket is very purposeful, if you just remember that, ultimately, you are helping other people by giving them access to food, then you may just discover the meaning of your life and happiness on the frozen food aisle…
Life, you see, works in mysterious ways…
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