Portfolio of Hope

When the ache of hunger fills me up,

I tell myself:

‘You don’t need to eat.

You’re strong.

In control.’

Am I disciplined,
or dying?

When I stand in the kitchen,

a bar of chocolate calling my name from the fridge,

and I shut the door,

telling myself


reminding myself of that all too damaging quote;

‘a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips’,

I feel like I can finally exercise some self control,


this is my choice,

‘to eat or not to eat?’

Am I disciplined,
or dying?

When I find myself asking;

‘Is food really worth it?’

I have to stop myself,

and ask,

‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘Why are you even contemplating going back to that place?!’

I’m not ‘disciplined’,
I’m dying.


not anymore.

No longer will I throw my life away on something as superficial as a number on the scales.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: