ED,
we met shortly after my fourteenth birthday.
School changing rooms,
getting ready for P.E,
is where I first noticed
you.
I don’t know why
you chose me
out of everyone,
but,
I liked the attention.
I liked how safe you made me feel,
how familiar you felt
to me,
even though we had only just met.
I liked you
a lot,
and you,
Ed,
were infatuated
with me.
Seven years later,
and here you are,
still obsessed with me,
still fighting for my attention
every…
single…
day.
Some days quieter,
some days louder,
but,
always
here,
right by my side,
always.
A literal no body;
no brain,
entirely non-physical,
yet still,
an overpowering force.
Whereas you once made me feel
complete,
now you make me feel
broken,
and
hopeless,
and…
and…
sad.
Even though I choose not to listen to you now,
turning my head to face the other way when you speak,
your cruel voice remains
stuck
in my head.
Never seeming to tire
The noise is relentless,
persistent,
yet,
somehow,
comfortingly familiar,
for,
you’re all I know,
the hold you have over me,
an ever present
“something.”
This is the reality,
this is my reality,
of life with an eating disorder-
ever-present.
Leave a Reply