Portfolio of Hope

Since you left me,
I’ve felt
and sad,
in equal measure.

you’re gone.

Like a controlling boyfriend;
cruel to your core,
the relief from your absense
is a welcome one.

Yet still,
I feel a sense of sadness/
a sense of loss
from your absense.

Is that wrong?

Is it wrong that I actually miss you
Most of the time?

Is it wrong that I miss the control
you had over me,
as you’d tell me;
what to do/
what not to do,
who to be/
who not to be,
so that I didn’t have to do any thinking
for myself
(Unlike now,
when I do have to think for myself,
and the thoughts,
like a river,
come flooding back through my brain).

Whereas you were once my lifeboat,
there to keep me afloat,
now you’re gone,
and I’m on my own,
trying to weather the storm/
to rescue myself,
without you.

And so,
that is why
I grieve
for you/
that is why I reminisce over
all the years we spent
a teenage friendship
all gone,
as I’m on my own,

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: