do you find yourself waking up thirsty,
wanting a glass of water,
but not knowing whether the tap water’s safer to drink…
‘Will I get chronic diarrhea from this?!’
Don’t want to risk it,
can’t be bothered to Google it,
mouth feeling like a desert
until the next morning-
is it seen as ‘totally normal’-
to have a bowl of cereal,
followed by a full English,
followed by a piece of cheesecake?!
might even push the boat out and go back up for a third piece of toast
if I’ve got about 20 minutes spare-
what is it with hotel toasters being so ridiculously slow??
And, why is the whole thing so fkin awkward?
Standing at the toaster-
hotel buffet breakfast-
stranger standing next to me-
toast taking ages-
and, there’s always one, isn’t there?
There’s always that one idiot
(& yes, I do feel this strongly about toast…),
who keeps popping their toast up to check if it’s done-
literally every two seconds-
unaware that every time they pop their toast up,
my toast pops up, too.
Standing in complete silence-
the very definition,
by the time my toast is, finally, done,
I’ve forgotten why I’m even standing at the toaster in the first place…
Like when you go into a shop…
can you walk into a gift shop
(after choosing one from a, literal line up-
they’re usually next to each other/
on the same street-
how they all stay in business I have no idea),
and be met by Princess Diana’s face-
(God bless her soul)-
on a commemorative plate marking hers and Charles’ wedding
(a plate which looks as though it’s been on that shelf since the event itself– 1981-
maybe even before that date-
so much dust),
next to a Mr. Bean solar powered nodding head doll,
a bunch of cannabis leaf printed bucket hats,
and end up leaving with a life size cut out of Bob Marley…
Have I entered into some parallel universe?
The most random ‘stuff’-
I don’t know what else to call it-