Portfolio of Hope

My innocence was lost

to you

the day you sent me a picture of your penis.

I was twelve

when you sent me that message,

telling me that you were ‘feeling horny’

because

your wife was pregnant

with your daughter.

‘What does that mean?’

That should’ve been the wake up call.

‘It’s what happens when you can’t have sex

but want it…‘

‘Do you have Snapchat?’

‘What is sex?‘

Red flag?

Apparently not.

‘Do you have Snapchat?’

‘Yes.’

I was twelve…

You

were my Mum’s Cousin…

After you sent me that photo of yourself,

you apologised,

said you ‘didn’t realise’ that I was only 12,

thought you were talking to my Sister-

she was 16-

so that must be okay-

legal.

Never mind you being our second cousin.

What’s that between friends?*

*(Pedophiles).

I didn’t tell anyone for five years

about the picture,

was too embarassed-

didn’t want my parents to know I even knew what a penis was,

or what sex was,

let alone that you-

my own Mum’s Cousin-

sent me a picture of your penis/

that you-

my own Mum’s Cousin-

told me what sex was,

got in there first

before the official sex ED lessons at school.

When I did tell my Mum and Dad,

finally,

they believed me-

unquestionably–

but then my Mum told my Grandma who told her Sister who told her Husband who told her Son-

the Pedophile-

you–

who said I was lying.

I didn’t expect anything less from you,

but,

I didn’t think you’d stoop so low, though/

I didn’t think you’d use my eating disorder as though it were some sort of ‘proof‘ that I was lying-

said that no one would believe me ‘cos I’d been sectioned*

*(Completely irrelevant- I was sectioned with Anorexia, an obsessive/compulsive desire for control-

a sense of control which you denied me of, by the way,

both when you sent that picture to twelve year old me,

and then, again, when you proceeded to tell everyone that I was lying about it)…

I’ll never understand that.

I’ll never understand why,

if you had the balls

(literally),

to send an unsolicited picture of your penis to a twelve year old-

twelve!!-

you couldn’t at least have had the balls to admit to it…

I guess it’s just part and parcel of being a Pedophile, though/

just part and parcel of being a girl–

a prime target for nonce’s

like you…

How old is your daughter now, by the way?

She’ll be ten, won’t she?

Ten years old-

only two years younger than I was when you did what you did…

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

I hope it makes you feel ashamed.

I hope it makes you feel ashamed

of what you did…

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-a poem for a nonce-