Portfolio of Hope

this morning
when i woke up
i knew that it was going to be one of ‘those‘ days-
or rather,
a continuation of,
a horrible depressive episode-

cripplingly insecure,
but, somehow, STILL numb…

this morning
when i woke up
i also knew that,
if i didn’t do something different/
if i didn’t force myself away from the mirror-
the absolute bain of my life when i’m feeling like this-
then another day would pass me by-
like pretty much every day has this week-
with me having nothing to show for it/
no recollection of it, even,
so disassociated i have been feeling-
so disassociated from life

and so,
this morning
when i woke up,
i forced myself to do something different with my day-
i forced myself out-
took myself off to the woods-
the sun finally showing her face after a long, grey, dull week,
i actually felt

even, dare i say it, a small slither of happiness.

listening to bird song-
so beautiful,
and watching squirrels scurrying up trees,
two butterflies flying round together-
was a glimpse into what life should be like/
an insight into the true nature of life-
just “being”
not “doing”,
in a state of permanent/unchangeable peacefulness-

and now,
getting home,
i feel lighter
less anxious,
more “at peace”,
with both myself and the world around me.

standing in the woods,
surrounded by trees,
is all it took-

an escape from my mind.
an escape from looking down on myself constantly,
to looking up,
to realising the purpose of all this:

to be
at one
with the universe.

this is the purpose:
“to just be.”

how beautiful…

Leave a Reply