I hold myself to such a high standard
and I think that everyone else must be doing the same.
Judging my voice,
Every single part of me under scrutiny, looking past any good parts to zoom in on the bad.
It’s a self esteem issue.
I need to realise that I’m not “Flawed”
But That, I am okay.
(I say okay, and not amazing because, as amazing it would be to feel like I am amazing, for now I would settle with just feeling like I’m “okay”).
In the context of my body-
(though, it lies much deeper than that)-
I am seeking, not body positivity (maybe one day), but body neutrality/body acceptance.
I am seeking to come to the realisation that, actually, I’m not worthless,
that I’m not undeserving of love.
I need to realise that I have been my own worst critic for far too long,
and that, the opinion I have about myself/
the standards which I hold myself to,
are not universal.
I need to realise that, most people wouldn’t, upon meeting me for the first time, immediately look to my thighs that no longer have a gap between them,
or my forehead that sometimes gets spotty when I’m due on my period,
And, nor would they be waiting for me to slip up in conversation,
to say the wrong word or to “make a fool of myself”.
I need to realise that most people are inherently good, it’s my mind that is the problem.
is the only way that I will find happiness-
learning to be okay with who I am.