Something that’s been on my mind a lot recently, is the concept of sex vs. gender… Specifically, whether we’re attracted to sex (reproductive functions, i.e., what we have between our legs), or to gender (socially and culturally constructed traits of masculinity/femininity)…
To answer this question- are you attracted to sex or to gender- you need to consider;
Are you attracted to men, or to masculinity?
To women, or to femininity?
Or, maybe, you’re attracted to both?
If you identify as a straight woman, could you see yourself in a relationship with a masculine presenting woman? If you can, then you’re likely attracted to gender, not sex…
Similarly, if you identify as a gay woman, could you see yourself in a relationship with a feminine man? Again, if you can, then this is a signifier that you’re attracted to femininity as opposed to women…
When asking these questions, it’s also important that you’re able to clearly distinguish between ‘admiration’ and ‘attraction.’ There is a clear difference between wanting to be ‘with’ someone and wanting to ‘be‘ someone…
If you’re a woman, do you look at other feminine presenting women and admire their clothes, thinking, ‘I really wish I looked as cool as them’, or, do you look at them thinking; ‘Wow she’s so beautiful. I’ve got butterflies just looking at her.’ The former is admiration, the latter is attraction…
Unfortunately though, most people, due to the heteronormative society we all inhabit in which being straight is seen as the ‘default’, don’t ever stop to question what exactly they’re attracted to. They’ve been taught, like we all have, to pursue relationships with the opposite sex, never stopping to consider whether, in doing so, they’re actually fulfilled, or whether they’re just ‘settling’ for something which they know isn’t their truth…
I hope that this post has encouraged you to question your sexuality more, that it has encouraged you to dare to consider something other than heteronormativity. Sexuality is complex and beautiful and we all deserve to live our most fulfilled lives, no matter who we love. Let this post be a reminder of that next time you find yourself feeling lost.
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