Portfolio of Hope

When it gathers like sleep in the corners of your eyes,
forms a lump in your throat,
and all you can say is,
‘Grief, eh?’

When you see him crying,
first time ever,
didn’t think he could cry,
and all you can say is,
‘Grief, eh?’

When the pain you feel is physical-
a hole in your chest that hurts so much you can’t breathe-
and all you can say is,
‘Grief, eh?’

When they tell you to ‘stay strong’,
to ‘keep going’,
‘it’s what he would’ve wanted’
and you don’t say anything
but you want to scream
‘What about what I want’-

When you want to cry and scream and shout that none of this is fair, but you don’t
you can’t
because, ‘that’s selfish,
when you’re the one whose gone
and I’m still here’
so all you say is,
‘Grief, eh?’

A lifetime of memories
condensed to that.
So much weight held in those two words…

For all the things left unsaid-
‘I love you.
I’m sorry.’
For all the regrets.
‘Could I have done,
Should I have done,
Would she have done,

It’s hard when, with every question, ten more pop up
for which there are no answers.

It’s so hard
when you’re left feeling broken,
and all you can say is,
‘Grief, eh?’

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