Every month, or rather, every two weeks before my period is due, I get an overwhelming urge to ‘reinvent’ myself- to cut my hair, bleach it, dye it bright colours, get more piercings, tattoos, start wearing makeup, get rid of all my clothes, buy a whole new wardrobe- new tees, shoes, jumpers, jeans, when I’m feeling particularly dysphoric, dresses…
Now, I suspect that I have PMDD or, at the very least, PMS because, the mood changes that I experience in the week/2 weeks leading up to my period- they’re intense. Intense as in, I don’t wake up thinking ‘I feel a bit flat today’, but more like I wake up thinking ‘the world is a hell hole and I don’t see the point…’
You’d think I’d have learnt by now, wouldn’t you, recognised the patterns but, evidently, I haven’t. For, every month the same thing happens. Every month I get the same recurring urge to change myself, thinking that, yes, this will be the ‘solution’, finally, to feeling ‘okay’, to feeling good about myself, even. But, it doesn’t work like that, clearly. If it did, then I wouldn’t have this- this urge to change myself every month… I’d buy the new clothes, get the new haircut, and feel… happy. But, I don’t because, again, it doesn’t work like that…
‘HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB’
Not just a cliched quote, it really is true when they say that ‘happiness is an inside job’, and therefore, no amount of changes to my external appearance, no matter how drastic, will make me happy. And, any happiness that does arise from making such changes to my external self, it will be short-lived, fleeting.
By all means, treat yourself to a new top, buy yourself that new pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing up but, don’t expect their delivery to deliver you a fast track pass to happiness too…
There is something to be taken from this for everyone, I think, whether you experience symptoms that are very intense when your period is due (PMS/PMDD, maybe?) or you just notice a slight shift in mood. In fact, I would argue that there is something to be taken from this for literally everyone, whether you menstruate or not…
We can all take something from recognising the fact that; happiness truly is an ‘inside job’, and that, only through working on our internal self can we find genuine, long-term happiness (not the fleeting kind that comes with changing our external self)… How so? Because, in realising that chasing happiness via external means, such as through the way that we look is completely futile, we can, in turn, stop wasting so much time, energy, headspace in trying to do so. We can invest our time into doing the things that genuinely matter, instead. We can invest our energy and headspace into the things that will bring us happiness (namely, through looking after our mental health)…
Again, this is something that we should all be doing- looking after our mental health/treating ourselves with greater compassion but, for people who menstruate, it is even more important that we do so, especially when we’re due on our period…
THE IMPORTANCE OF PRACTICING SELF-CARE DURING YOUR ‘TIME OF THE MONTH’
In terms of why it is so important that we look after our mind during our time of the month/when Aunt Flo comes to visit (delete pointless euphemism used to hide our distaste of saying the word PERIOD where applicable), our hormones are already all over the place meaning that we’re more vulnerable to experiencing those negative emotions that we constantly try to hide from- depression, anxiety, just general feelings of not being ‘good enough’/of ‘lacking’ in some way (low self-esteem). Showing ourselves more patience and being kinder to ourselves during this time then, it can really help us to manage those emotions, stopping us from feeling so overwhelmed. I’m not suggesting that we all jump on a plane and take ourselves off an a sun filled holiday every month (though, what a dream would that be), treating ourselves with kindness and compassion could just see us going to bed an hour earlier to read our favourite book, or, sending a ‘do not disturb’ memo to our family while we run a candle lit bath and just… relax. Something that we don’t do enough of (relaxing), what with the, often hectic, nature of so many of our lives…
‘PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE’
It’s all well and good having a mental note reminding us to engage in more #selfcare when we’re due on our period but, if we don’t know when it’s due, then this can make it a bit difficult to do so. Talking (writing) from personal experience, I know that my ‘symptoms’ are worse in the week or two leading up to my period and so, to wait until my period physically starts, well, chances are, I will have already seen red (pun intended, comedy tickets in the post), and, my mental health will have already declined as a result…
‘Prevention is better than cure’, it really is, so, my advise to anyone who menstruates is to download an app on your phone to track your periods (or, if you’re not too tech savvy, just get yourself a notebook and write down every time you come on your period), that way, you will know in advance when it’s due. I have the (free) app ‘Clue‘ (not sponsored) and, since tracking my periods, I’ve found it really great in helping me to make sense of my moods. If I start feeling really low and deflated seemingly for no reason, I check the app and, nine times out of ten, what a surprise- my period is due.
No longer having to say ‘I don’t know’ when people ask me what’s wrong (I’m not great at hiding the way I feel so, when I’m in the trusted ol’ ‘I hate everything about myself’ stage, the negativity I feel towards myself comes out in the way I talk to other people- it sees me being snappy and irritable and just a bit of (a lot of) a pain to be around), I can put a name to it, acknowledging that I am not sad for any definable reason/that nothing has ‘happened’, externally, to make me feel sad, but that it’s all internal– my hormones-period(t).
Before tracking my periods though, when I would experience such moments of seemingly ‘random’ bouts of sadness, not knowing that they were hormone related, I would convince myself that I was spiralling back into Depression which, self-fulfilling prophecy and all that, meant that I did end up spiralling, and inevitably feeling so much worse because of it. But, in knowing that the majority of the time the way that I’m feeling is connected to the stage that I’m at in my cycle, as the app reaffirms, I am now able to recognise the bouts of sadness for what they are, just that- bouts– that will pass, as is proven every month…
FIND THE POSITIVES
So, whilst yes, feeling dysphoric and anxious and just all round miserable every couple of weeks isn’t anyone’s idea of ‘fun’, there are still positives to be found (maybe I’m reaching but… find the positive in every situation, right!!) Knowing that there are times when our mental health is going to be worse and, as the apps allow for, knowing exactly when those times will be, it gives us an excuse to slow down, zone in on our needs, zone out on societies expectations of what we ‘should’ be doing, and take the time to just look after ourselves (not that anyone should need an ‘excuse’ to look after themselves, but, unfortunately in todays society which seemingly values productivity above all else, we kind of do)…
We are essentially forced to find the time to look after ourselves every month, to schedule it in, almost, with the knowledge that, if we don’t, if we keep ploughing on at 100 miles an hour, never stopping or even just slowing down when our bodies and minds are in desperate need of rest, then we will have to deal with the consequences later down the line when our mental health inevitably suffers as a result…
WHEN YOU CAN’T DO IT FOR YOURSELF, DO IT FOR THEM…
For all the people who don’t feel like they can slow down, who don’t feel like they can give themselves permission to be kind to themselves because, ‘I don’t deserve it’, then
1: Don’t listen to that self deprecating part of yourself- you DO deserve it
&
2: Accept that if you can’t do it for yourself, then you need to do it for other people. You need to do it for your family and friends so that they can be in receipt of the ‘best version’ of you, not the snappy, ‘cloud hanging over everyone’ kind.
Edward Albert.
‘Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless’
Whatever you need to do, do it.
Just look after yourself <3
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